Seasonal "flu" time

rainen harper
Feb 8, 2020
5 min read

I gotta say that I have been seriously hit with the flu. And I am not talking about the chills, fever, or muscle aches. Guys I have been hit with every type of emotional roller coaster that has been possible in the last few months. I have sat down to write so many times but the nagging on me has prevented me from sharing anything- but I have wanted to so badly. I have been depressed, hurt, discouraged, and everything (seriously) else. Super highs, and super lows. I have the greatest boyfriend, greatest friends, and support system but let me tell you that life still is junk!! Everything can be so right, but not right at all. I've been struggling with my body image perfection struggles, and my papaw is having a really important surgery next week and I've been worried sick to my stomach. And after almost three years, I am recognizing how my long-distance relationship is actually HARD!! Adulting is hard!! I know I know, stay with me, I know we throw that phrase around a lot but let me tell you what I have learned.

"Everything can be so right, but not right at all"

We always say adulting because it's the best categorization for our messy lives. And speaking of messy, I hit rock bottom at the beginning of this semester. I was defeated, overwhelmed, but instead of staying down I decided that I needed to have my joy back. --> Have you ever just felt so exhausted? You have been running around constantly trying to be the best friend, the best girlfriend or boyfriend, the best godly example, the best organization member, the best student? Have you ever sat back and wanted to scream because you were so EXHAUSTED? I had this problem built up in me for so long until I crashed and realized something that was so life changing-ly important. I CANNOT be the best version of myself in every aspect of my life if I am not the best version of myself FOR ME. My faith was struggling, my friend circle was struggling, my relationship was struggling, and I had no effort for school. I was running out of gas trying to be EVERYTHING for EVERYONE when the people in my life just want me to be ME. Does this sound relatable?

You need to figure out what the root of your struggle is because it is affecting YOU in every other area of your life...

Aaaaaaaand here is something to be aware of it you didn't know already... When we pray and ask for God to show us things or ask him to help change us- it is never the way that we anticipate happening. God says "Okay my child, I'm so glad you asked. I'm just going to throw this at you so you learn how to be patient when I throw this next thing at you, and then that thing will teach you to be resilient, and then after that, you'll learn..." and eventually after a few months or longer of suffering in a weird season and definitely not feeling like yourself, you will realize "Ohhhhh, all of this time I have been going through it God has been preparing me for something brand new."

Isaiah 43:18-19

18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

I mentioned that after nearly three years I am just now realizing that my long-distance relationship is hard. Why now, you're thinking?? Well like I said I hit rock bottom. I am almost finished with college and I have finally run out of gas from trying to be everything I CAN'T. I noticed that I have been juggling all of these different areas of my college life, which is arguably one of the most crucial times, and I put too much pressure on myself. Guess what though? I thought to myself at 5am, "Rainen, you have been juggling a relationship in a critical time in both of your lives, being a college student while still working and keeping your sanity, reaching out to friends for catching up or a shoulder, trying to be a godly example, prioritizing your food and the gym, AND trying to rely on God in all of this process- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE." I needed that moment because I realized, "Dang, considering all of those aspects, I am doing pretty darn good!"

Whatever your "flu" season consists of, let me be a source of light. Your world isn't ending, even though some days you struggle to get out of bed, or smile at all. And whether you have prayed for change in your life or not, God loves you enough that he doesn't want you to settle. We get too comfortable guys, and then we get selfish. We're loved SO much that God wants us to know him and experience all the good things that are in store for us. It might come after a bad season, and it will most definitely come when you least expect it. But let this become immunity to you; let this seasonal setback be used for the joy that is coming for you.

You see, we can't experience the goodness and love until we understand it. And we can't understand it until we go through it. You can't really let that boy love you until you go through the hurt and love yourself. You can't satisfy your family's expectations until you go through the hurt and figure out who you are.

You can't be happy in anything until you let the hurt show you some good ole secrets to help you along the way.

Trust me when I say that I am in the suffering. I've not found the ladder to climb out of my valley- but I am okay. I know that this hurt is being sprung upon me for a reason. Right now I have to keep reminding myself that I am doing "pretty darn good" and believe that God is preparing me right now. This doesn't mean that all the areas of my life are magically "perfect," this just means I'm getting a heck of a lot better at accepting MY best.

Psalm 34:18

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Remember that in these times it's okay to say "life sucks" and it's okay to be down and depressed. You are supposed to FEEL all of the feels, you just have to. But I promise it doesn't last forever!! One day you will be able to use this hurt to help someone else. One day you're going to be thankful this happened to you because it IS making you better. It's OKAY to lay around and feel sad and broken. But when you start to feel strong enough- sit up. Then kneel. Then stand.

Brokenness is beautiful for what it creates afterward. Don't let your joy stay gone forever, and remember to cling to the One who holds you and will never leave you. His plans are good you just have to believe them. I believe because I have been rescued before. I have faith because I have been where I am before, and I know there is joy waiting for me again :)