Hmm how do you measure your worth?

Hi what's up! I hope that you have a spare minute to really tune into this because I feel so strongly that it might rock your world a bit... I have mentioned this topic so many times in my other blogs but felt it so necessary that it needed it's own spotlight.

PURPOSE ~ IDENTITY~ WORTH

dramatic prelude: Once upon a time there was a girl, a very ambitious, independent, self-fulfilling spirit. She exerted all of her energy into helping other people, being the best at whatever she did for whatever the cost (including harming her own body with her worst enemy- food among other things), and she never slowed down to consider WHY she did all of this, she just knew she had to. You're very smart to realize that this girl was me, is me, is still me. However guys, my mind is different. How??? Because I know my WHY.

"But we have to understand why we do what we do, not just do what we do. Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare." ~Michael "Pinball" Clemons

Let's back up for a second & consider the situation that we all know "Do you see your cup as half full or half empty?" because all of us at some point have considered this or thought about it. I'll be the first to say I don't understand it, and my answer varies depending on the moment. So lemme ask you this in contrast; instead of thinking about how full your cup is... what is it that fills your cup in the first place? My baby brother would say "anything that fizzes" LOL (caffeine addict at 7 smh). But in all honesty, what gets you going? Gives you motivation? The purpose behind your engaged effort? I know that most of you are probably thinking of some really inspirational, deep answer like "I aspire to be successful" or "Seeing others smile, knowing that I helped them" or "Making a difference in the world is all that I want to do" aaaand I'm going to stop you right there because you are missing the tiny details of the substance in your cup. Those are incredible answers, but they are long term representations of your character- not the honesty of your heart.

I am a girl that has always found her worth in her school success, athletic success, opinions of others, the good that I do, the food I eat, the number on the scale, the volunteering that I do... and so on. Basically anything that I actively did that could define me. Now please don't get me wrong- I've never done good things, tried to influence others opinions of me, or engaged in activities on purpose to MAKE myself look better. Rather instead, I have just built my identity on the results of those things!

In the book of Ecclesiastes, King Soloman is trying to figure out the WHY of life. If you read through the book you'll see that he let himself indulge in everything that he wanted, earthly desires of course. He even did the complete opposite where he worked hard, manual labor (indulging in things that he did NOT want to do) to build and repair things. He says that in all his toil, he never found satisfaction. Not in the earthly pleasures, or in his work. HOWEVER, there was something different about his physical labor... he found joy and pleasure when he was working towards something. But he quickly had thoughts like "why should I work if the next person to get it won't take as good care of this as me or appreciate the work because they didn't do it?" What is it that gives you temporary satisfaction? Is it your paycheck? Your significant other's immediate response or attention? Money splurges on Starbucks or Chipotle because you had a bad day? Are you dependent on those outing nights with your friends?

Your identity is built around, what you consume yourself with, when you are not CONTENT. Think of some words that you would use to describe yourself with:

Recently I made a poll on my instagram asking you guys to describe me with a word that comes to mind. I did this to prove a very important point and that is you don't have to PARTICIPATE in your EARTHLY desires to gain WORTH or PURPOSE in your life. Some of the words that were used to describe me are listed below (thank you everyone for the incredible words about me, I melted):

convivial bold

loving spunky

independent determined

firecracker radiant

bubbly smiley

energetic authentic

intentional compassionate

These words are how I would describe myself when I am at my absolute best. However, I would NOT use those words to describe myself when I'm drowning in my sin, drowning in my failure, drowning in my mistakes. You see, when we are the ones that know our ugly, our secrets, our shame- we tend to fall down and listen to those bad names, and then do you know what we do? I will tell you ;)

!! We INDULGE in our temporary fixes, whether it'd spending money, going out, food pleasures- or anything else. We don't do what gives us lasting happiness. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what your lasting happiness is. But I can tell you that King Soloman searched the earth for purpose in his toils and only found out that "everything is meaningless" and "everything returns to dust anyway." LOL that sounds depressing right? Yes I thought so too! But it gets better I promise because the bible gives us instructions.

Ecclesiastes 2:24

A person can do no better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity into the human heart so that no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Alright that was a big ol meal let's digest it together because I want you to understand God a little bit better today. Even though everything under the sun here on earth is going to return to how it once was, we are supposed to enjoy every second and work for the Lord to not only give glory to him, but also so that God will show us our PURPOSE through our HARD WORK. Even though you're restless in your work and you might feel unnoticed, do it for God because he SEES you, he will bless you. You don't want to be miserable every day of your life do you? Then just pull up your big kid pants & find the sunshine in your situation. Sometimes it takes a grunt or two, and you might roll your eyes-that's ok do what you gotta do.

Listen to that second piece of scripture listed above. Sing it to yourself, believe it. It's not for us to worry about how or when things will get done!!! Breathe. Find comfort and piece in that, okay? Say a prayer, wipe your tears, give it to God. Seek his kingdom first, he will provide every single step for you. Coming from the most heartbreaking, cold, darkest place that was once my heart- I can promise you that. Seek Him first, you can't do it alone guys. I have tried.

SOOOOO the second part of that verse is BAM like SUP. Lemme explain; God set eternity in our hearts SO THAT WE WILL CONSTANTLY HAVE A LONGING, SEARCHING FOR FULFILLMENT, SATISFACTION. What the actual heck is going on. WHY would our gracious, loving, kind, selfless, generous God intentionally give us a dissatisfaction in our hearts? That is mega annoying to me. But don't worry everyone, thankfully I'm not God and you don't have to be concerned of your fate in my hands ;) God set this longing in our hearts so that we would constantly be searching for HIM. Diving deeper into HIM. Being like HIM. I realllllly hope by now you're like "okay yes you're right Starbucks doesn't really fix my bad day" or "yeah actually I've always found my temporary worth in___"

John 16:33

...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

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I want to encourage you right now that whatever season you're in, whether it's a drowning in your sin season, in the middle just "meh," or on cloud 9 killing the faith game, you can rest your head on the pillow of God knowing that he will take care of you and provide the way of every step, if you are seeking him with your whole heart. Don't worry about your right now or tomorrow. The only thing you have to do is pursue God and his will for your life. He will be there, I promise. I also encourage you to read through Ecclesiastes 1-3!

take heart <3

xoxo,

-R

p.s. "this is the real, this is me, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now..."