Gentle? Who cares? I need answers

Hi! Long time no see :)

God has kept me from unleashing the truth on my heart for awhile. Honestly, I've had a messy semester & I know I'm not the only one so I've had this strong feeling that we have all just needed our own time. I'm sure you've done your own coping mechanisms, readings, & other endeavors but I didn't feel led to share anything very urgently until now (it's hard to not post the insane amount of words in my brain but God told me no- gotta wait girl). So that's where I'm at and I'm excited!

Is gentle a word that you would use to describe yourself?Yeahh, HA not me. I feel like I'm sweet, and kind, and patient... when I need to be. And I think those words are related to being gentle, but overall I think it would be silly to call me ~gentle. The Bible says that being gentle involves humility, understanding, & slow to anger. Sooooo what's my point?

Picture this:

Can you imagine yourself going on a walk with God? I know that's kinda weird but hear me out. Would you hold his hand? Would you talk a lot? Would you try to keep your distance? Would you be uncomfortable? Can you even imagine that? The feelings you might be feeling when reading those questions will reflect how your relationship with God is. The thing is, we see ourselves like no one else does. We see our dirty laundry, mistakes, horrible sin that the thought of other people knowing about makes you want to actually die. But, my life was changed drastically when I started praying about my dirty laundry.

Do you think God made me feel guilty? Unworthy? Disgusting? Shameful? NOOOOOO WAY.

Did I think that's how I was going to feel? YES x 106849641.

We see ourselves like no one else does. We see our dirty laundry, mistakes, horrible sin that the thought of other people knowing about it makes you want to actually die. But, my life was changed drastically when I started praying about my dirty laundry.

Instead God was gentle.

When I was pouring out my burdens, my shame, my gross- I felt relief. I felt secure, comforted, beautiful, and LOVED 🥺 After I did that I thought "Okay it just felt good to get it out" and I wasn't really sure what was going to happen after that. But, I promise, God sent me encouragement, people to say things I needed to hear that they would have no clue about, confidence in situations I felt alone, and my personal favorite- I felt him with me everywhere I went. I felt his gentle presence wherever I went. !!! ---> Life changing

You've all probably heard things like "God will love you no matter what" and "You're never too far gone to come back to him" and "Give your burdens up to God" or "You will be so much better off if you just pray about it" and those things ARE TRUE. But no one talks about how it makes you feel. No one talks about how freeing it is to fully surrender your baggage to God. Did you know that you cannot ignore all of these burdens and still seek Him? He can't use you if you pick and choose what you want to work on or not in your life.

Here's a spoiler that you might not know: If you do not believe in who God says He is, in other words,[ if you do not believe that God has the POWER to deliver you when you ask in prayer- your prayer is pointless] You might be like "Uh Rainen that's kinda harsh" but it's true. God wants you to have faith in Him, but He loves us so much he doesn't force us. But in Matthew it says we will receive what we ask for in prayer.

Matthew 21:22

If you believe, you will receive what you ask for, in prayer.

!! Now this is for another message time but do not misunderstand. This doesn't mean that you will get everything you want if you believe in God. This means that because you believe in God, He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) and you may not get what you think you want (thank God for that, sheesh) but you as long as you believe and seek God- He will bless you more than you know. He will give you more than you ask for. And I can guarantee you that it will most definitely NOT look like you think. So clear your mind of expectations, and practice being open minded with God. Oftentimes, sooo many people miss what God sends them because they are too fixated on what they think it's supposed to look like (i.e. relationship partner, job opportunity) and pray for discernment and don't let your emotions get in the way of those things.

"You can have good- but is it God's good? I want what he has for my life. I do not want to settle for what I can get for myself."

God is GENTLE in answering our prayers. He is patient, and working when we think we're not hearing anything from him. He is working things out for our good (Romans 8:28). When we are in a waiting season, God is hard at work. Get the pattern? Trust his gentle and patient process of protecting us, preparing us, and loving us. Being a Christian is so hard guys!!! Sometimes I want to throw the towel in and not have any feeling of patience, waiting, understanding and I want to do what I want to do (yes I am so serious). But guys, that's -f o o l i s h.

When someone loves me enough to die for me- I can only imagine what He has planned for my future. In a career, a spouse, a life time of blessings and furthering the kingdom!? YES YES YES. I want that. I want to be an incredible teacher. I want to be an amazing wife. A loving mother. A passionate woman of God. I want to see my words reach thousands of people because that's how God is using me.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

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I want what God has for me. Not what the world can give me. Period. I want that for you too!

Be persistent in your relationship with God. Get to know Him, His heart, His plan for your life. Push through when you think it's pointless. Push through when it's hard. When you don't think it's working. Be gentle, and kind, and patient. Trust that in the waiting God is working so diligently for your best interest. You are worth it. It's so hard, do it anyway.

PRAY> ABOUT THE THINGS YOU STRUGGLE WITH> YOUR DESIRES >SIN

And trust the process

happy fall :)

xoxo

-R