Igniting your true beauty

How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror and found something you didn't like? Okay and how many times has someone complimented you on something about yourself that you didn't agree with and it's kind of awkward and you're like "whaaa oh pshh no" ?? Yeah me too. We, women, prosper from insecurities. And listen- it's not a good kind of growing. Insecurity prosper is more like a fungus, not a beautiful flower. So how do we deal with these things? Maybe skipping some meals for that desired body image. Lying about our lifestyle so people don't know the shame we're hiding. Countless hours on social media to remind ourselves of how we wish we looked. I GET IT. But girls, these are unhealthy ways that break your spirit.

I have struggled with body dismorphia and disordered eating ever since I saw the attention a girl that had the tiniest waist was getting from a group of boys in the 6th grade. I didn't know it at the time- but that feeling of being different, and not receiving that same kind of attention was the beginning of a long dark road. I was insecure and did not take pride in what our incredible Creator sculpted of me. I had no self-confidence or inner spirit that ever made me feel enough. I was very social and had many friends, and was involved in three sports throughout this period of my life. This shameful mental disorder of mine was a secret. No one knew that anything was wrong- ever. I even kept these journals, of which I just recently burned, that had all of my feelings written down in them. This poor girl, so insecure she couldn't see how beautiful she was. She couldn't see how tiny her body actually was. Nothing was ever enough.

I was robbed of the knowledge that beauty is confidence in yourself.

When you're confident in yourself you are unstoppable and nothing else matters. I woke up one morning (that feels just like yesterday) and said to God, "Lord I don't want to feel broken anymore. I want to see myself as the beautiful daughter you created. I want to be confident in the love that you used to make me. I want to be yours to be used and work for your kingdom, but I can't do that when I am broken like this. When I am so sad all of the time wanting to be someone else. Please fix me." BUT WAIT!

2 Corinthians 12:9

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

So you're telling me that God allowed me to be so broken, so empty, so DEFEATED... so that He could manifest His strength to fix me, to fill me, and to save me. That's what you're telling me, God? The answer is yes, it's soooo much of a yes. Girls listen, if God did not allow me to be so broken I would have never experienced his saving grace, his love, his desire need for me. I am THANKFUL for that pain. I will gladly rejoice in my weakness because God is with me there! Listen, there is an end to your pain. You'll have days that suck, and you won't want to get out of bed. Do it anyway- as a matter of fact put some mascara on and some lipstick and declare to Satan that he isn't welcome with you today. You'll have days that you won't want to pray, let alone go to church. Get yourself there- the best thing you can do is surround yourself with people that can pray with you when you can't for yourself. You'll have days when you feel really alone, and not even your mom, your bestie, or your boyfriend can help you, because they don't have what you need. Fall to your knees and ask the Father to be strong for you because you simply can't.

Remember on those really hard days when you don't amount to anything, that you are worth everything. Not because I told you that you are. But because Jesus did when he declared "It is finished" and shed blood for you because that is love. YOUR image in the mirror was worth dying for. Your image right now, after the salad, after the ice cream, after the gym- is worth it right now. You're so beautiful, loved with a FIERY passion, don't waste anymore minutes thinking that you're not.

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Smile, get a coffee, get your homework done and say a little prayer thanking God for your weaknesses so that He can know His daughter a little better.

xoxo

-R