Direction? Nah gimme Apple Maps

hi :)

I hope that your semester is wrapping up as smoothly as it can be... but if yours is more like a train wreck then hmu because I am in that same boat! And it is not smooth sailing my friends.

I think that one of the hardest things that we as christians, and definitely non-christians, struggle with is the fear of the future. If you're a frequent reader of me then by now you are familiar with this next phrase- Stick with me! I have more!

I am going to be honest & vulnerable, just like usual. So if you are intrigued or just want to be nosy, keep reading because you just might read something good for yourself.

This semester has sucked. Man has it sucked. So many times have I tried to be positive and happy, but finally I just broke. I crumbled, I exploded, I hurt and grieved the things that I lost and the things that I've never gotten to experience. My senior year has come and withered just like that guys. Don't worry I didn't invite you to my pity party, but yes this has sucked! I have been overwhelmed, preoccupied, overworked, buried, and drowning in work, school, worry, relationships, the future- you name it. But- while I have been suffering I have also been growing.

"Direction is so much more important than speed"

How blessed am I to realize what God is doing in my life when he is doing it? Of course I don't know everything, but I know that I've clung to Him and His word more then ever before- and would I have done that as much if I weren't suffering? NO. Not a chance guys. Of course we hate to be in seasons of heartbreak, worry, defeat, anxiety... but if you're like me you can look at those moments and see GROWTH. But how does all of this help me with direction?

Most important note:

We are pressured more than ever before. The world is trying to push us to a standard of living that is not for for you!! Please listen, especially ladies. It seems like everyone is getting engaged, everyone is having a baby, everyone is getting married, we know this & we all feel this. I cannot stress enough how important it is to want things for YOURSELF first. It's hard! I know I get it, I am a single 22 year old girl about to graduate college. I have been in a couple, long, serious relationships and I know the feelings of being with someone. I do long for that feeling again! But I have no clue where I am going to be in 6 months and that's the honest truth. And I will tell you that I will be okay! I have seen so many friends settle down, get married, have children, move away, quit college, and they are not truly happy and they are settling. I can look at that and genuinely say "No, I don't want that. I will wait, Lord" Pals, don't read this and think I'm attacking you (LOL) but if you do feel targeted, then listen to that feeling, it's for a reason!

I want to open up and say that of course I want to meet my person, I want to get married (young-ish), & I have baby fever (probably more than you, sorry). BUT!!!!!!!! I do not want to settle for something I can choose for myself. I 100000% only want what is from God. I know that God will deliver my hearts deepest wants, but in His timing & I am okay with that. I want to see and do things for myself right now y'all. Do you know how much value there is in being single and seeking God? He's preparing me in this time, and He's been placing me in situations grooming me to be the wife I need to be, the mother I need to be, the teacher I need to be. I am not frustrated because I'm not in a relationship. I am not frustrated because I don't know where I'm going to move after college. I am not frustrated because I don't know what my future holds. I would rather be content right now, seeking God, and enjoying being on my own than settling down with someone that God doesn't have for me, in a place I'm not meant to be, doing something that won't make me happy. Do I still get sad about these things sometimes? Yes. Do I still want these things sometimes? Yes. And yes I am still impatient sometimes.

The unknown is scary, but stepping out in faith & knowing that I will wait on the Lord is going to be so much more rewarding. In my mind, I CANNOT fathom settling for something that God doesn't have for me. I literally can't even sleep on that guys, I would never be content. If you're like "But Rainen! I'm afraid I won't ever find someone, I'm afraid I won't find a job where I feel led to move, I'm afraid I will miss out if everyone is doing this..." I don't know about you but I DO NOT want to live a life that everyone does. And I will tell you exactly this straight up- Sis you need to pray and check your faith because you don't believe that God is going to take care of you. You can't expect your prayers to work if you're living your life believing that He isn't going to deliver. We still serve a God that works miracles guys, I know that's hard to believe these days but we still have the same God that raised the dead yesterday and you're telling me that you don't think you'll ever meet someone special... come on now I hope you realize how silly that it is. But I do get it! I really, really do.

Jeremiah 10:23

I know, O LORD, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps.

God is an interesting fella, His logic is something we'll never understand. But there is something that is very important to understand: Prayer is SCARY sometimes. If you pray for patience, you better believe God is going to make you hit every red light. If you pray for humility, God is going to present you with many boastful opportunities. If you pray for motivation, God is going to allow distractions!! But why, why would God make these things harder on us when we pray for them? It's because He loves us, there is a plan greater for us than we have for ourselves, and we cannot just be handed our future. Does God have the power to snap his fingers and make me the most patient person in the world? Yes. Would I learn anything from that? No. Would a loving father give his child a car without teaching him how to drive? No. Guys prayer is scary sometimes because God allows situations to craft our deepest desires. He answers in HIS WAYS not ours. Most of the time it's really hard, extremely difficult.

But there is DIRECTION in that.

"There is growing in the process. As you're growing you are learning new tools to help you decide which direction that you're supposed to go. Move at your own pace! There is no need to rush your life away. Just live now. Enjoy your singleness, enjoy the season you have now- it's so important"

It's so easy to pull up Apple Maps to get us where we need to go, but God doesn't use Apple Maps okay? He wants us to go His route so that we see things He wants us to see and experience. We often won't know this when it's happening. For me in my specific season of life, I CAN see it happening. I know that it sounds whack that God would allow me to suffer this semester in addition to covid stuff, but I am the one who asked for it. I am GRATEFUL. I am grateful to see Jesus working in my life. I'm grateful that he heard my cries asking & pleading to mold me into the wife I want to be, the mother I want to be, the godly servant that I want to be for HIM. God is allowing be to experience discomfort and he pretty much threw Rainen in the deep end to tread water for a bit because He has a plan, and I am being prepared for it guys. Did you know that we are supposed to rejoice in these times? There IS purpose.

Romans 5:3-5

...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, & endurance produces character, & character produces hope, & hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

I know this is a lot to comprehend and it might not sit well with you. We like to ignore what's comfortable. You might be thinking "Yeah I don't see it that way and I'm just suffering and God is letting it happen"---> the short answer to this mindset is that I don't think this way because I've practiced discipline and obedience. I believe God's word to be true, so who am I to disagree with God? If you're someone struggling in your faith and you're like I just don't even know where to start- research discipline and obedience in the Bible.

It is much easier said than done in this time of life.

"Trust God, you'll be okay" No no try this--> "Surrender yourself to God, your earthly desires, your plans for your life, your ability to be in control"

God knows what we need. Why can't we let him take control of that??? Why do we want what we want, thinking that we can outdo God??? We are flawed y'all! I don't want to settle for the monkey when I can have the whole dang zoo, how about you? Seeking God gives us direction. It won't be easy, good things take time and effort. But I am more than willing to rub some elbow grease if I can see what God is leading me to. Are you?

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Some things to note:

1. I have discipline and faith to know that God is who He says he is and that what He says is true! I remind myself of this over and over because it helps me to believe it more and more and more.

2. I have faith that when my season is not good, GOD is good. I know that He loves me and I know that if He is good, I can trust Him. Period. Even when I can't see the end, because He does.

3. I am obedient to studying His word and learning more about Him. The more you seek Him, the more you will find Him. The more you will find Him, the more you will understand His will for your life.

Don't rush to settle, just be patient!

xoxo,

-R